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Just look at her -- ain't she a beauty? And she's all mine! ALL MINE! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

I stumbled upon this genuine porcelain toilet-shaped mug while doing an eBay search for an Old Spice shaving mug. I wanted one of the first Old Spice mugs, the earliest ones that were milky glass and shorter than the huge tankard-style shaving mugs you see today. I found what I was looking for, but I also found this once-in-a-lifetime find that somehow snuck into the search results.

Apparently the Rheem corporation used to make toilet-shaped shaving mugs out of the exact same porcelain they used to make real toilets with, and they gave these whimsical mugs out to favored employees, perhaps upon their retirement. Who gives a rat's ass about a gold watch when you can have a pink porcelain shaving mug shaped like a toilet? Nothing says "class" with crisper enunciation.

This particular Rheem mug was custom made for an employee named Ray -- his name was glazed on the mug in the same cobalt blue lettering as the Rheem logo on the top. Ray must have fallen overboard while out to sea, or gone crazy from the desert heat in Arizona and went on a citywide shooting spree that ended in a storm of lead at the end of the last alley Ray would ever duck into, because only death could've wrenched this toilet-shaped mug from any thinking man's hand. Frankly, I'm surprised his heirs let it leave the estate, but then the in-bred offspring of the well-to-do all too often squander the spoils that the previous generation worked so hard to acquire.

As soon as I saw the listing, I knew I had to have this mug. I staked it out, watched it like a hawk for days, and then pounced on my quarry with fury, winning the bidding with a bold $11 stroke at the last minute that proved I was the better man of the two of us who were bidding on it (take that, bruce6773!).

Remember how yesterday I said that using a big cereal bowl to mix up your lather like some of the shavegeeks do is basically admitting you aren't very good at the easiest part of the whole wetshaving equation? Well, building your lather in a shaving mug that's shaped like a toilet bowl and used to be the property of Ray the Rheem Toilet Company employee is the exact opposite of that -- it is, in fact, the most perfect state of latheration there is.

So this morning I gave the Rheem a thorough washing with hot water and soap (God knows what Ray may have done with this thing toward the end, when the insanity began spiking up), and then I showered as usual, left my face and neck wet with hot water as I got out of the shower, thrust my water-logged Vulfix shaving brush into the Rheem's mini toilet bowl along with an inch-long squeeze of Proraso Green shaving cream, and went into high swirlee mode. The Rheem even has a handy handle on the back, where the water tank would go on a real toilet, that's great for holding the mug steady as you beat up the lather. I even pumped the brush a few times into the middle of the lather, like a toilet plunger, to fully saturate the brush with lather all the way down to the handle.

In seconds I had all the beautiful, perfect Proraso lather I needed for another perfect, beautiful Proraso shave. My Merkur HD razor glided over my face like, well, Aloe Charmin glides over your tuchus. I couldn't ask for a better shave.

Will I use the Rheem from now on? It's doubtful. I love this toilet mug too much to use it like a common shaving mug. It belongs forever clean and gleaming atop my dresser, shining like a pink beacon for all to see. Besides, I can lather just fine in the palm of my hand -- I haven't gone loco like Ray did on that fateful day when he finally went to that place where not even ownership of a pink porcelain toilet-shaped shaving mug with your name kiln-glazed on the side matters much anymore.

Not yet, anyway.