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If there's ever to be a true and lasting peace in the Middle East, we need bold new ideas. And speaking from Mecca today, Iran's President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad put forth an idea that was plenty bold and pretty darned new:

Move Israel to Europe.

Now, as I see it, the real issue here is razor blades. Israel's got a factory in Nazareth that makes those excellent "no-name" el-cheapo Platinums that dssokhey on eBay's been selling boxes of 100 for $15. That's nearly two years' worth of blades for the price of a Majid Rezazadeh CD.

I've used these blades and they're excellent. They're actually unlabeled Personnas, but I find them to be of higher quality than the Personna DE blades sold in the US under their own name as well as many drugstore brands. American Safety Razor also has a blade factory in Mexico, so it's possible the Israelis are a different blade entirely than the Personnas we get here. Either way, they rock.

So what happens if Iran gets its way and Israel gets relocated to Germany or Austria, as President Ahmadinejad suggested? Germany's already got DE blade factories cranking out Merkur and Wilkinson blades by the millions. And just down the street in Sweden, they're making those amazing European Gillette DE blades that make a mockery of the Russian-made Gillettes sold in the US.

I've been shaving with the Swedes in my vintage Gillette Super Speed DE for weeks now, and I've been hugely impressed. They shave as close as the crazy-sharp Japanese Feather Platinum blades, yet they're smoother and more forgiving. I don't know how they do it but they do.

So yesterday I was putting together an old-school wetshaving rig for my brother, who'd complained about his shaving when I saw him over Thanksgiving, and I spied a box of 100 "no-name" Israeli blades I'd bought on eBay. I already told my brother I'd be sending him a vintage Injector and some Nancy Boy shaving cream, but I thought maybe I should send him a Super Speed DE and a box of the Israeli blades instead. Hip him to a cool razor and enough blades to last him till 2008.

I hadn't shaved with an Israeli blade in my DE for quite some time, so I thought I'd swap out the 55-cent Swede in my Super Speed for one of these 15-cent "no-names". I've always gotten excellent shaves with the Israelis, but I wanted to make sure they worked well in the Super Speed, which I hadn't tried them in yet.

The first shave was a shocker. After lathering up with Nancy Boy cream and a Vulfix #2235 badger brush, I got a shave every bit as close and smooth as I do with the Swedes. I kept faceturbating all day long, rubbing my face and neck and marvelling at how close a shave I got from that 15-cent blade. I even told my pal Gordon about how the Israeli blade shaved as close as a Swede in my Gillette DE. "What if the Super Speed swamps differences between blades," I pondered, secretly hoping it was true. I'd love to get shaves like this from 15-cent blades instead of having to order the Swedes from across the pond.

The thing is, though, today's shave wasn't quite as good. It was close, but not Swede-close. It's a shave I could live with, but why live with compromise? Maybe Mahmoud's right -- maybe you need to take a hard line and eject that which should not be there. "OUT OF MY RAZOR, ZIONIST BLADE!" I shouted, hurling little gobs of lather at the medicine cabinet mirror like they were rocks. "GABBA IS GREAT! GABBA GABBA HEY!"

So anyway, kudos to Ahmadinejad for thinking outside the box and all, but I don't think his idea's going to fly. I mean, just look at that scraggly beard. Clearly, the man doesn't care about shaving. And the rest of the world is supposed to trust him with the keys to the blade factory?

Say what you will about the man's realpolitik, but I say, what is just and what is not? When dssokhey can't get any more cheap boxes of 100 no-name blades and has to shutter his eBay shop because ASR's factory in Israel now makes schwarma skewers, we will have simply traded one shande for another. And that, as my pal Whitney would say, is the greatest shande of all.