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So I've been dicking around with this Cambell Latherking hot lather machine, trying to get it to deliver the cream of my dreams.

On the surface, this mechanized beast couldn't be simpler -- you add water and a few fingers of old-school shaving cream (i.e. the stuff in the tub, not the pressurized can), press the button, and the motor churns it up and forces it out a heated spout to make nice, hot lather, as much as you want, any time you want.

But in practice, this thing clearly needs some dialing in. Maybe it's because it wasn't designed to be used with a water/old-school shaving cream mix in the first place. No, Campbell meant for the Latherking to be used with the company's own liquid soap solution:




God knows what's in this stuff, and I haven't been able to find anyone who's ever liked using this stuff in his Latherking, either. Everyone I know who's got one of these contraptions says to forget Campbell's own soap solution and use a water/cream mix instead.

The only problem is, I tried that, and it didn't work so hot. Two fingers of Taylor's Rose shaving cream to eight ounces of tap water made for a pretty runny lather. The good news is that this machine is so simple, adding cream or water to thicken or thin the mix makes an immediate difference in the lather that squirts out of the spout. A third finger of Taylor's Rose thickened the hot lather nicely, but then it was too thick -- after awhile it wouldn't come out at all, and then I had to add more water to thin the mix a bit so it would flow properly. I ended up dumping the whole mess in the sink.

Next up was Trumper's Violet shaving cream, one of my favorites. I always need a smidgen more Trumper's than I do other creams to make the same amount of lather with a brush in the usual shavegeek manner, so this time I added three fingers of Trumper's to the water tank right off the bat, and this worked out much better than the Taylor's cream. The resulting lather was thick, rich, and nicely larval. Very Stay-Puff Marshmallow Man in consistency. But when I applied it to my face, the lather dissipated almost immediately and collapsed into a thin film on my skin. No good. I upped and lowed the water/cream ratio a few times, got nowhere, and dumped the whole mess into the sink.

Nancy Boy! Yes! I've been loving this new-school cream lately, so it was the natural choice to try next. A little Nancy Boy goes a long way so I started with two fingers to a full tank of water and -- and -- nothing. Leaned on that button and the motor did whine a mighty whine but no cream did emit. Added some more water and got a little bit of thick cream, but then nothing. Dumped whole mess etc.

The gentleman I got this Latherking from had suggested I use a recipe of old-school shaving cream, water, glycerin (you get it from a drugstore), and a tablespoon of Lucky Tiger liquid shaving cream, a bottle of which he thoughtfully sent along with the Latherking.

But all the barbers I've talked to who have these machines say they just use shaving cream and water, and get professional grade hot lather all day long, day in and day out. I really don't want to mess with a complex recipe every time I fill this damn thing. I just want to top her off with tap water and a few fingers of cream and go.

Clearly, the Latherking wanted a cream a bit thinner in consistency than the Taylor, Trumper, and Nancy Boy creams I tried in it. The only shaving cream I have on hand that fits the bill is an older tub of Art Of Shaving Lavender, which has got to be three years old if it's a day. It's been kept tightly sealed, though, and it looks fine (lathers with a brush as well as it ever did, too). I mixed a couple of fingers of AOS into the water tank and tried it.

I had lather! Lots o' lather. Lots and lots and lots o' lather, in fact. If I'd kept leaning on the button all day, I could've filled my bathroom with hot lavender-scented lather. I don't like this cream as much as the other three I tried, but that's with a brush -- in the Latherking, the AOS cream worked far, far better than the Taylor. Trumper, and Nancy Boy creams.

Still, I think I have to work on this some more. I got the thing humming, definitely. I can come back to it hours later, a day later, and as soon as I press the button, thick, perfect hot lather comes churning out of the spout. It's thick and rich and plenty hot.

But when I put it on my face -- either slathered around or just patted into place -- I only feel heat for a second or two before the cream plunges to room temp and then it's no different than lather from a brush.

Well, it is different, because it's not as good. It's thinner, not nearly as slick, and doesn't cushion the razor anywhere near what it does when I make lather with this AOS cream with a shaving brush. Not even close.

The shave I got with this AOS hot lather was very close, but not as comfortable as what I can get from this cream with a brush. The razor skipped a fair amount on my skin, and afterward my face felt a bit raw, which is always a sign that I didn't have the right amount of lube between the blade and my puss.

The longer I wetshave, the more I realize that all of this rigmarole -- the choosing of the badger brush, the right amount of cream, the right amount of water to keep in the brush when you go to make lather, all of these little calibrations -- boils down to creating a slick barrier between the blade and you. That's it. When everything's right, the blade glides across my face like it's not even cutting, but then afterward I feel my skin and it's like I'm four years old.

Despite the marketing jizz of the big-name gels and foams, you never get this kind of righteous glide with any of this crap. What you get is a razor skipping on your skin, just like it did with the Latherking lather. It's better than nothing, but it's not as good as brush-made lather.

I'm going to try adding some Lucky Tiger to the mix and see if that slicks things up appreciably. I really don't want to shave with this lather anymore the way it is now. It's not nearly good enough to get a proper shave with. No wonder the back of my neck is always red and sore every time my barber "cleans up" my neck with a Dovo Shavette disposable blade straight razor after the haircut. He just lays some Latherking lather right on the back of my neck, dry, and proceeds to shave it with a naked blade. This is not optimal. No sir. I realize he can't get my neck wet with hot water because I'm sitting there with my shirt on under the smock, but next time I get a haircut I'm bring a tube of Cremo Cream and asking him to try that instead of the Latherking. Even dry, I bet the Cremo would lube better than hot lather.

I've got more work to do. This machine is cool, and I'm having a ball playing with it, but I do want to get respectable, usable lather out of it before I pack it back up and unload it onto some other Sisyphean soul.